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For the last few weeks I have become very entertained with Chuck Norris Facts. These facts can be found on the internet if the tubes are not to backed up.

An example of one of these Chuck Norris Facts would be: There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. or Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

With zingers like these I can’t help but laugh about it. Other people around me can’t help but laugh about it either.

My boss and I will be having a meeting about a client that needs us to address an issue with their computer systems. When the meeting gets to be just a little to serious I will drop something like, “Did you know, Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip?” That would be followed with a short pause before we both brake up laughing.

Hannah and I would sit down for dinner and she would ask me “Hows dinner?” and I would look up at her and say “Did you know that Chuck Norris once went into a Burger King and ordered a Big Mac, and he got one.”

Now I have been doing this for the last few weeks. At first Hannah thought it was funny and I would get a chuckle or a smile out of her. ( Really? I mean, who knew that Chuck Norris new the what the last digit in Pi is?) But now I just seem to get an immature look from her when I tell her a Chuck Norris fact joke.

Last night I was reading to Hannah from a book title ‘Shantaram‘. I had just finished up a paragraph when she leaned over to me and said “Did you know that Chuck Norris has read the end of the ‘Never Ending Story‘?” I was just like, “Whoa.” and sat stunned for a moment before we both busted out laughing.

“That has to be the greatest Chuck Norris fact ever! Did you make that up on your own?” I asked

“Yeah.” she said still laughing about it.

That whole thing thing just gave me the giggles and made reading the rest of the night near impossable. I eventually put the book down and said that she should submit that to the Chuck Norris Facts website. But today I have not been able to find any links on the site for submitting your own Chuck Norris Facts. How sad.

Bruce Campbell As Wayne Weinsider On The X-Files

Last night Hannah and I were at home and watching season six of The X-Files. The episode we started watching was titled “Terms of Endearment” and to our surprise the guess star on that episode was Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead fame.

You gotta love it. We laughed and really enjoyed that episode.

Back from my vacation and working in the new company office. Things are really starting to fall into place and my work space is starting to feel like my own.  One of my friends and co-workers Henrik, configured my office phone to know me as Optimus Prime the leader of the Autobots, a faction of sentient robots from the planet Cybertron.

This is a great Friday.

Don’t Touch The Puck, is a silent horror movie made around 2000 by myself and some good friends. The movie was made for a collage class that that they where taking in Bellingham Washington. If you watch the short movie till the end you will be able to enjoy the blooper real that caught me by surprise the first time I saw the film. Enjoy!

So spell checker in FireFox thinks my name should be houseplant.

Back when I lived in Seattle, my roommates and I put together a little video called “Commuting”. Which is nothing less then the story about the bullshit we have to put up with everyday on our commute to work. Granted, it might be a little exaggerated but that was how we felt. The idea was that we would make several of these little funny short films and share them on the internet.

Well, not long after the first commuting video was made we slowly one-by-one got different jobs and moved away. We have never made any followup’s to the original commuting video but we still talk about doing it. I would not be surprised if end up making one again here soon. Until then please feel free to enjoy the original.

In 2005 our investment club manager e-mailed us asking for our opinions on how to invest the money the group had been collecting. I wrote what I felt was the best suggestion I could have made at the time. Below is a copy of the e-mail I wrote our investment club along with Chris’s wrong and inaccurate response.

Now, Back in November 2005 when this e-mail was written Apple’s stock price reach a high of $69.34. Today, Apple’s stock price is valued over $180. Now for thoughts keeping score, this means that Apple’s market value of $158 billion is now four times that of rival PC Macker Dell’s $38 billion.

Whats that Chris? I can’t here you. Cat got your tongue?

Is it possible? Could it be true? Is Saturday Night Live actually funny again?

This is a good start to the day. I accessed my Google homepage today and saw the following quote from Mitch Hedberg and laughed. So, I figured i would share.

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

Mitch Hedberg

Hello again world. How you been? Do you like dinning out? I know I do. I wonder if there is a way to improve the dinning experience?

[START RANT]

Juneau Alaska is a terrible city for dinning out in. Now that is not because the streets can be filled with wild bears at any given moment. No. If you’re new here, don’t let the cities mandatory bear proof trash cans scare you. They are actually common place here and significantly less messy then open lidded trash cans you would find anywhere else in America. (Now, if i could only figure out how to open the damn things). These midget size blue pillars are a constant reminder to everyone to watch your back so you don’t get malled by the angry bears that might not be so angry in the first place if they could figure out how to open the damn trash cans.

I have lived here for two years now and I have dinned out at every restaurant this capital city has to offer me. (Please, for the love of god, when will we finally get an Applebees?) I don’t remember what I originally expected from a city that is home to Senator Ted “The Internet Is A Bunch Of Tubes” Stevens. But I am petty sure I was hopping for something that resembled what normal people in this country consider to be GOOD FUCKING SERVICE.

I am constantly amazed at the lack of any kind of real services or attention span provided by the dinning staff of Juneau Alaska. It’s not to say I don’t have good meals here. As a matter-o-fact I do. (I have had some good steaks, mushroom burgers, and I can honestly say I have found a few salads here that will make anyone feel like a man because they garish it with steak.) But it’s bad enough that all of us who live here have to pay more for food in general because it all has to come over on a damn boat. That’s right, all the food in Juneau is imported in by ships from the lower 48 states. Aside form a few folks who own their own visitable gardens here and are to high and mighty to share out the fruits of their labors, we as citizens of Juneau all get our food from boat shipments.

But that’s not the point. The point here is bad service. My friends and I go into these restaurants that try to pass themselves off as fun, friendly, or even fine dinning, but you all too quickly become made very aware of the fact that you’re entire dinning experience tonight will be filled with nothing but constant interrupted conversations with friends or loved ones because the waiting staff can’t help but ask you if you would like a refill on your drink every FIVE - GOD - DAMN - MINUTES.

Seriously, If my glass is empty just refill it. You can see that it is empty. Why do you have to ask me if i want a refill? Does water cost so much these days that your forced to interrupt a blatantly obvious conversation with your patrons to ask “would you like me to refill your water?”. Fuck yes I want some more water. My glass is empty you moron. Who wants an empty glass? Don’t restaurants teach their waiting staff how to interact with customers anymore?

The next painful hurtle one gets the lovely misfortune to experience while eating out in Juneau, is being asked if your plate can be taken away while you still have food in your mouth. Can anyone give me a one single reason why I should not turn to my socially retarded waitress or waiter and spit out my half chewed man salad all over their uniform so I can answer that question with a loud and annoyed no?

What the fuck is wrong with these people. I get better service from the half stoned illegal Mexican working at the local Wal-Mart when checking out than I do dinning out in the city of Juneau.

Lastly, if you have managed to go through the night without killing any members of the waiting staff, you should be congratulated on the herculean level of patience you possess because it is about to be put to the ultimate test. Getting your fucking bill.

It’s true. Never in my life have I experienced a waiting staff so hell bent on interrupting conversations or asking inappropriate questions at inappropriate times, as I have since I moved to Juneau. But when it comes time to pay your bill the staff starts ignoring your table to a degree that can only be compared to the way a fat girl with zits must feel when waiting for her gay best friend to ask her to the prom. Can someone explain to me the logic in not giving your customers the bill after they are done eating? I swear they must have some kind of pool going on with each other to see who can piss off their customers more or who can make the least amount of tips in a single night.

If I did not have such a fear of being tossed out on the streets of Juneau (only to be eaten by a bear and shat out next to a dumpster that no one can open to put their trash in BECAUSE IT IS BEAR PROOF) I would go up to the managers of these pseudo-dinning establishments and give them a few tips about how services could be improved slightly so that I would want to eat out more and give a larger tip.

If, in the end, dinning out in Juneau is not enough to make you want to learn to start cooking your own dinners at home with a hand-me-down recipe book, all while hoping in the back of your mind you could be the next Julia Child, then I don’t know what will.

[END RANT]